2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
