can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
