Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
