I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I will pee on everything he values.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
