yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize