When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
