Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize