we have officially lost it.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Randomize
