i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
