I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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