He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I fill condoms, not promises.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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