My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize