i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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