god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
