its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
