You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
