I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
