i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
