how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
