if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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