Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
