she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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