I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I think your dad took our porno
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
