his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
