Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
