i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
