I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
