My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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