I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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