Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
