Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
