I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
