Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
