i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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