Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
