Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
