Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize