First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
