I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
