he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I have aggressive nipples.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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