Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
