Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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