Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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