I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
