well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
