i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
