is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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