i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
