i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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