ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just forgot I was standing up.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
