If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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