im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
