I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
