i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
