I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I wish I only lived at night.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
