Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
