i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize