she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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