I have demons in me.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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