he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
