FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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