I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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