North Korea, Best Korea!
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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