I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
