I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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