a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
