This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
