life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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