a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
