Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
try to milk me bitch
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