he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
