she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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