No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
