Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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