It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
