That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize