what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
