My sheets look like a crime scene.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
