Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
