He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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