Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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