Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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